First of all let me put this straight; the purpose of me posting this post is not for me trying to prove something (because in all honesty, I have nothing to prove to you), or whatsoever, but the purpose of this post is for the hope of helping someone out there, insyallah. Because I know there are people out there that are struggling with wearing the hijab, like how I've struggled before.(or any struggle in that matter)
It has been two months that I am donned to the hijab. There's still a long way to go, but insyaAllah I'll get there :)
I don't put myself as a pious nor a religious person, and I am definitely not better than you. I still have a long way to go. I am still learning. I am still trying to be a better person, I am still struggling with myself, I am still struggling with my deen, JUST LIKE YOU. I am human and I make mistakes and I will make mistakes in the future, just like you.
But I am trying.
We tend to judge people by their appearance. Judge a book by its cover where we know clearly that our religion prohibited it.
And yes, we still tend to judge people.
Just to give you a heads up, just because that person is wearing a hijab, that doesn't mean that person is perfect (because there's no such thing as perfection) nor does that person knows everything about islam. AND if a person is not covered, that doesn't mean that person doesn't care about his/her deen. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON ,IN HIS/HER HEART. and only and only Allah knows that.
But I am trying.
We tend to judge people by their appearance. Judge a book by its cover where we know clearly that our religion prohibited it.
And yes, we still tend to judge people.
Just to give you a heads up, just because that person is wearing a hijab, that doesn't mean that person is perfect (because there's no such thing as perfection) nor does that person knows everything about islam. AND if a person is not covered, that doesn't mean that person doesn't care about his/her deen. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON ,IN HIS/HER HEART. and only and only Allah knows that.
When someone asked me "why the sudden changed?" I just answered "I just felt like wearing it."
Which is true. But the thing is, it is not a sudden change, it is a process.
I always knew that I will wear the hijab one day. Back then I thought that I will only wear the hijab after I get married. Such little knowledge I had back then about my own religion.
The urge of wearing the hijab became more stronger for the past 3 years. And yet, I find it hard to just cover my head. I always gave myself a hard time back then, thinking to myself "Why can't you just wear it, it's just a piece of cloth". And yet, my heart was still hard and I don't know why I just can't do it. I just can't take a piece of cloth and wear it all over my head. I tend to overthink and give so many excuses to myself.
So I told myself, "oh well, I will try to be a better human being first, I will try to not skip my prayers". And so, I did try. I wanted to be a better person and for me the definition of being a better person is simply by being a better muslim. Islam teaches us everything, how to act, how to live, how to treat other people, how to talk, how to eat even, etc. Such a beautiful religion, isn't it? :')
So I told myself, "oh well, I will try to be a better human being first, I will try to not skip my prayers". And so, I did try. I wanted to be a better person and for me the definition of being a better person is simply by being a better muslim. Islam teaches us everything, how to act, how to live, how to treat other people, how to talk, how to eat even, etc. Such a beautiful religion, isn't it? :')
Gradually, I became a better person bit by bit. Change doesn't happen overnight. It's a long process and I am still in that process, there is no fullstop to this. Bit by bit I'd try to restrain, try to control myself. Of course, there are numerous mistakes that I've made, uncountable wrong decisions I've made and there are times where I find myself astray. We are humans and we are bound to make mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable. The goal here is not towards perfection but to always turn back to Allah.
Every hardships that I went through, it always lead me back to Allah. Every sorrow and sadness I have ever felt, the only thing that calms me down is Allah. And every happiness, blessings and success is because of Allah and, as shameful I am to admit this, I didn't realise this before and not give much gratitude about it.
Hasbi Allahu wa ne'mal wakil. "Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs"
Hasbi Allahu wa ne'mal wakil. "Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs"
" The hardships that brings you to Allah is purification, and the one that brings you away from Allah, is a punishment. "
I believe what leads me closer and closer is by prayers, duas and of course, my parents never ending duas for me. Don't stop praying and keep making duas' to be closer to Him, to change and soften your heart. Dua' is a really powerful weapon.
Throughout those years of wanting to be a better person and for me being a better person is being a better muslim, I have learned a lot. Allah gave my trials and hardships and through all those hurdles that I've gone through, it made me realise more and more about this life we are in, about the dunya we are living at. It made me read and learn more about islam. It made me understand more about the concept of my religion, the true religion.
Going out of my country and living here, made me understand more, made my eyes clearer. Indeed it is quite an eye opener.
Before I leave Malaysia, I told myself that I wanted to be a better muslim. I was quite scared that I might go astray, I might forget .
But you know what? Allah lead me to meet the right and the well the not-so-right (wrong is such a harsh word isn't it?) people in my life and each person that I've met, led me closer to Him. Each hardship that I've went through made me realise more and more.
I am just so grateful and blessed to have that realisation and understanding about this thing called life, alhamdulillah :)
Throughout those years of wanting to be a better person and for me being a better person is being a better muslim, I have learned a lot. Allah gave my trials and hardships and through all those hurdles that I've gone through, it made me realise more and more about this life we are in, about the dunya we are living at. It made me read and learn more about islam. It made me understand more about the concept of my religion, the true religion.
Going out of my country and living here, made me understand more, made my eyes clearer. Indeed it is quite an eye opener.
Before I leave Malaysia, I told myself that I wanted to be a better muslim. I was quite scared that I might go astray, I might forget .
But you know what? Allah lead me to meet the right and the well the not-so-right (wrong is such a harsh word isn't it?) people in my life and each person that I've met, led me closer to Him. Each hardship that I've went through made me realise more and more.
I am just so grateful and blessed to have that realisation and understanding about this thing called life, alhamdulillah :)
Purify and cleanse your heart, make sure you have the right intentions.
If you want to be closer to Him with a sincere heart, Insyaallah you will. Because He is always there for you. "You go walking towards Him, and He will come running towards you." Masyaallah, beautiful isn't it? :)
We all have equal access to Him, the only thing we need to do is pray and dua with a sincere heart and insyaallah everything will fall into place.
Like me, that first step is always a huge step. Wearing a hijab is a huge step for me (well my mind think it's a huge step)
But somehow Allah make that first step, so easy for me.
The niat of wearing the hijab has been even stronger for the last few months before wearing the hijab, but I always delayed it (yet again, giving myself so many excuses).
On Monday, 3rd February, I went to uni as usual (without wearing the hijab). During the break, while I was walking towards the prayer room to perform Zuhur, there's a "World Hijab's day" booth (yes it's on the 1st February but it was on a Saturday) organised by the Sister's Circle at my uni. So I just stop there and checked the booth out. While I was reading the leaflets, one of the sisters there approached me and told me that today is world hijab's day and asked whether I want to give the hijab a try for a day? I thought to myself "Oh well, just try it for a day, I already have the niat to wear it soon"
So I did wear it throughout the day, and somehow I felt calm. My classmates just looked at me and they were like "meh" and mind their own businesses.
And I thought to myself "hey this is quite nice and easy" and I just started to wear it since then.
Do you know what's the best feeling in the world? To see your parents so happy until they shed into tears and to know that you've touched their hearts. :)
There is definitely no rule of how to start wearing it or whatsoever. Do it because you want to. Don't stress out. Because Allah knows you're trying :) Be calm and always be sincere and insyaallah Allah will help you and ease it for you. Remember that life is a learning process. Remember that all of us are struggling. Remember that every single person has their own problems. What distinct us from each other is our faith and attitude. Keep on praying, keep on having that faith, cleanse our soul, purify our hearts and let Allah do the rest.
I believe that the intentions we have are really important. Get the right intentions. If you have the intention to be closer to Him, that niat nawaitu, Insyallah He will guide you and somehow make it easy for you :) It doesn't matter where you are in the world, as long as you have good intentions, as long as you want to be closer to Him, insyaallah, Allah will guide you. Give all your trust to Him and submit to him completely.
Persevere, sabr, pray and dua. Because of Him and only Him
Persevere, sabr, pray and dua. Because of Him and only Him
May Allah will always always open our hearts and give hidayah and guidance to us all and may that hidayah will not be taken away from us. Ameen.
:)
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